Imploding
by greyslostwho
Summary: 'He thought it might be possible to thrive on her smile.' LS futurefic, oneshot.


**IMPLODING**

**Scotty/Lilly, futurefic!, and oneshot. Just something I wrote to kill the time, really. I don't own anything, and reviews are always appreciated.**

She didn't need the peephole to know who it was when he knocked on her door. Not this time. She opened it, all wariness forgotten. A thought occurred to her as she ushered him in – he hadn't changed, he never changed. Not since the day they met. He wore the same goofy grin he'd worn then, had the same sad, dark eyes. He closed the door behind him and stepped up to her, face coming close. She said, "Scotty" at the same moment he said, "Lil…"

She smiled and looked down, noticing quite how close he was standing from the fact she could see their feet, toe to toe.

"I leave in the morning." He said solemnly, and she nodded.

"I know."

"I become Jackson Nelson, until anybody says otherwise."

"I know." She repeated, her voice sounding somehow thicker. She did know, and it hurt her. These biker jobs could last decades, and sometimes could change a cop forever. She didn't want him to go, yet she understood. This was Scotty's way of dealing with Boss' death, his only route out.

They sat on her sofa, but she made no move to get him coffee. Staring, for now, was enough.

"I… I'm gonna have to do terrible things, Lil…" his voice caught on her name, and instinctively she reached out and covered his hand with her own. A gesture of age-old friendship. Time had been kind to them both, but even that didn't stretch as far as hiding the wrinkles around Lilly's eyes, the grey flecks in her partner's hair. It had been 15 years since they'd met, 15 years of working together. And now Boss had gone and died, in seconds, a spur of the moment heart attack not long into his retirement, and torn them both apart.

"It'll be alright, Scotty. You just have to hold on to what's real…"

He ran his free hand through his hair, and then eyes met.

"I don't…" he tucked a blonde strand behind her ear, "I don't know what's real anymore…"

She surprised them both, and cut him off with a kiss, using his shirt lapels to pull herself towards him, letting him deepen the kiss, cup his hands around her tiny blonde head, slide his tongue against hers, 15 years imploding in one moment.

Gradually, he pulled back, eyes near haunted.

"I can't, Lil…"

Blue eyes flashed, "What?"

"I… I just can't."

Tears welled in her eyes, uncontrollably, and she turned away. "Why'd you come here, then?"

"What?"

"I thought you wanted one night, before…. But you're clearly not interested and-"

He cut her off with a chaste kiss this time, and then took both her hand. "I've been interested, Rush, for 14½ years. I just… they always leave you. I can't… be close to you… and then leave you…"

This time, she let him see the tears. He thumbed them away, expression grim.

"Don't cry."

She shook her head fiercely. "I'm not. Scotty, do you honestly think that doing _this_, now, makes any difference? You already got close; you already made me love you. Being… being with me tonight – it's what we both.

He kissed her deeply, then, drawing her onto his lap. "I love you too, Rush."

She smiled, almost bitterly, as she realised what had slipped out.

"It's gonna hurt tomorrow, whatever. Make… let me make tonight worth remembering…" she was silenced, once again, but his mouth on hers.

* * *

They lay side by side in Lilly's bed after, his arm loosely slung over her stomach, ever after everything the feel of his skin on hers igniting fireworks.

"Why didn't we do that before?" she asked, propping herself up on her elbow, leaning down to kiss him. He gave a small smile.

"I always thought you'd run away."

She cocked her head to one side, considering. "I probably would have. I… I don't even think I realised how I felt until you were leaving." She gave a tiny laugh. "Crazy, huh?"

His fingers combed back into her hair. "I had a thing for you, right from the start – but you were kinda shit at relationships, Lil and I kinda pushed it away – and then there was Elissa, and then Chris, and…"

"All the others?" Lilly said dryly, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah, that wasn't really the right way to go about things…"

Scotty's eyes flashed, "I wasn't Kite's biggest fan either, don't get me started on Joseph, and as for that Saccardo…"

Suddenly, unexpectedly, it was still so new; Lilly's lips were crushing down on his.

"You're jealous." She murmured breathless, stirring something deep inside of him. He was nodding, and pulled her closer until she was leaning on his bare chest, face inches away.

"You were my best friend, Scotty, all that time. I guess I somehow missed falling in love with you because I always cared. Mad, huh?"

"Crazy." He agreed, kissing her neck gently, tangling their legs and fingers together. "Lil, I don't wanna leave you, I jus'"

She shook her head. "I'll be fine, Scotty. I was fine before you, I'll be fine now. Just stop talking."

Lips fused together furiously. Scotty was the one who drew away, breathless.

"When I get back… if you're still single, if you'll still have me-" he gulped as her lips grazed his jawbone, "-it'll be time to stop being shit at relationships."

He thought it might be possible to thrive on her smile.

"Scotty, I…" she wiped away tears furiously, "Come back as soon as you can. Boss wouldn't want you to punish yourself."

The next kiss was lingering, each one closer to the last.

"What would Boss have thought of _this_?" he muttered, and Lilly laughed, rolling them over until he was on top.

"I think… I think he always knew."

She looked thoughtfully at her partner's face, cocking her head to one side in the adorable way that made him kiss her. Hands were suddenly everywhere, and it was desperate, passionate, and broken. Lilly put a finger to his lips.

"I can't decide whether we should do this or talk. We've got so much to say."

Scotty laughed, kissing her nose. "I love you."

She was still slightly incredulous at how those words made her feel. She leant her forehead into his, cupping his cheek with her thumb. "I love you too. It's… insane that I can say that to you so easily, when I've managed to tell anyone before-" she stared into his eyes, "But I do, I love you, and it's that easy."

And then she let herself drown in him.

* * *

When she woke up, she was accompanied by a letter resting on a cold pillow.

_Lil,_

_I'm being a coward, taking the easy route out here – but I don't think I can face goodbye. Not anymore. Coffee's in the pot and there's a cream cheese bagel in the refrigerator. And I already put out breakfast for your mutants. I love you, and I don't think you know how much I'm gonna miss you. I'm not asking you to wait for me, but I __**will **__come back to you. I love you_

_Scotty _

It wasn't until she'd finished reading that she even realised there were tears pouring down her face. Olivia slunk into her lap and she ran her hands absent-mindedly through the greying fur, remembering when Scotty had announced that Olivia and the late Tripod were the 'world's ugliest moggies'. He'd been suitably impressed by Al Capone as well, her newest feline, aptly named for his scarface. Her phone buzzed on the bedside table. She expected it to be Scotty, he automatic reaction, when wasn't it Scotty?

Jeffries' voice on the other end might as well have been silence.

* * *

The email said one thing: HEY, and then the address of a Kensington apartment. It had been four months, and there'd been nothing, not a breath of life from any angle. And suddenly this one email, no message, no time, just the address three blocks away from where she'd grown up.

She supposed, as she rapped on the door, that he didn't appreciate the irony; that the corner shop she'd been mugged behind was literally within throwing distance. The door opened a fraction, and then wide and she stepped through, closing it behind her.

He looked like he hadn't shaved in days; his eyes were sunken and tired. But when he wordlessly took her hand a new light seemed to appear in them and he took a step forward. It was suddenly too much, that he was so close she could smell him, and she wrapped her arms around him, pressing her face into his neck. Like he'd forgotten human contact, for a moment he was stiff and unresponsive before he effortlessly lifted her in his arms and carried her through to his bedroom.

* * *

She propped herself up on her elbows so she could savour every moment she had to look at him. He looked so tired.

"How… how's the job?" he almost choked.

Her smile was phoney but impressive all the same, "Great, actually. Jeffries' doing a good job as Boss and the new girl we've got – Emma – well, I guess she reminds me of me."

"Hot little blonde who has murderers for breakfast?"

He decided the sound of her laughter beat any Class A illegal drug.

"I miss you." He whispered, trailing fingers through her hair, "At all the meets there are all these biker chicks throwin' themselves at me, and all I can think about is gettin' back to you, Lil."

She kissed him roughly. "Don't you dare compromise your cover for me, Scotty, biker chicks or no biker chicks."

He smiled, and finally it reached his eyes, "I love you."

"I love you too." She sighed slightly, running her fingers absent-mindedly through his hair. "I still haven't gotten used to how easy that is to say…"

"Maybe it's 'cause we're the right people for each other…" he muttered, and then fear flashed through his eyes as he realised that thought had come out, out loud. "Lil, I-"

"Maybe it is." She said firmly, leaning in to kiss him again.

Things all happened at once, then. His phone rung, and he picked it up, and in an instant his face fell.

"Right, yeah, ok… see you in twenty…" he hung up the phone, and when his eyes met hers, they were sad, heavy. "I've… you've gotta go, Lil. The bikers are plannin' something tonight… you never know, I might blow them open… I'm sorry, I-"

She smiled at him, and silenced him with a kiss. "I've gotta go, that's ok. I knew what I was getting myself in for with this. Love you."

And then she was lifting herself out of bed, shoving the discarded clothes on, and in moments, she was gone.

* * *

As it was, he didn't blow them open that night, and as it was, she went slightly longer than the previous four months before he managed it, and the job was over. Six months went by, in silence, and she'd never been a worrier about unnecessary things, but she was starting to fear for his life.

And then one night, a year since Boss' death, her doorbell went at three o'clock in the morning.

* * *

She took her gun as she opened it – she was a creature of habit – and she opened the door, expecting the worst. The man she loved was standing there, looking like he hadn't slept in days, and filthy and haggard. For a moment, he just stared at her, as if he wasn't quite sure if he was back in reality. Then he spoke.

"I blew 'em open, Lil. They've all been killed or arrested… it's over."

She took him in her arms and dragged his into the flat, tears rolling down her cheeks, and she wasn't even sure why. She was kissing him to death, and ridding them both of their clothes (she was down to pyjama pants, he was down to a pair of jeans) when he stepped back from her, and stared at her with nothing but brutal honesty in his eyes.

"I nearly died tonight."

"Scotty, I don't wanna-"

"Hear me out. I nearly died tonight, and I was layin' there, a gun bein' held to my head, and you were all I was thinkin' about. You're my forever, Lil, I know that, and I wanna show people. I wanna give you some sort of forever. I…" he trailed off, and then, before she could even breathe, he was on one knee.

"I ain't got a ring, but… marry me?"

For a moment, she stared at him, as if she was unable to comprehend what he was saying.

"Please, Lil, I've only ever asked one other girl… and I lost her… I and was dyin' tonight, and I wasn't thinkin' about my life bein' over… I was thinkin' about losin' you…"

The whole situation was utterly ridiculous, it was three in the morning, and they were both half-naked. But she nodded, unable to make her voice box work, and drew him up into her arms. She kissed him fiercely, endlessly grateful to anyone who was listening, that she had him back, that he'd made it.

They were ridding each other of their underwear, going mad for each other, when she realised; she hadn't even been aware she was ready to be his forever until now. But here it was, that future, right in front of her, and, right at that moment, she couldn't think of anything else more beautiful.

FINIS

**Any reviews are always appreciated :)**


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